Mean girls never go away they just become mean women. These are the mothers who take their children to acting auditions and compete with you. The women who try to rule the workplace like she did the high school hallways and makes people miserable. Female aggression is just as real as male aggression. Dr. Erika Holiday, a licensed psychologist, is the co-author of Mean Girls, Meaner Women, and has spoken out in the media about female bullying. Dr. Holiday was able to answer a few questions about this phenomenon. For more information on Dr. Holiday, her website is http://drerikaholiday.com.
1. Is there a dominant type of female that is the aggressor in childhood and later adulthood?
There is no one dominant type of female that becomes that way but instead there is a dominant theme of not being able to manage ones feelings well. A girl or woman who is most likely to be the perpetrator of bullying behavior is someone who usually has difficulty managing her own feelings. For example, say a girl is angry because she is not getting enough attention at home and does not feel like she can express her anger appropriately. She may end up bullying and picking on another girl because she does not have a healthy outlet to express her anger. Sometimes girls and women who do not manage their emotions well end up taking out their uncomfortable feelings either on themselves or on other females.
2. How is bullying not about the target? Are certain people more prone to be targets?
Typically individuals who stand out in some way are more likely to become victims of mean girls/mean women. That could be anything from being too attractive to being overweight. Really anything that makes you different in some way makes you more likely to be a target.
3. Female bullies in the workplace often are in leadership positions. Why do employers tolerate them even if they cause workplace turnover? Sure these bullies are often profitable but eventually they may open up a company to a lawsuit.
Female bullies in the workplace are sometimes in leadership positions. And if a woman in a leadership role chooses to be a bully then she may be trying to hide her insecurities. Maybe she feels like she doesn’t deserve this role or maybe she is overcompensating for some type of flaw. Ultimately, it is a form of acting out, which is a poor coping strategy.
4. Do you recommend particular assertiveness classes to protect against bullies? There is a fine line between standing up for oneself and risking being fired.
Individuals who are being bullied in the workplace should talk to their supervisor and/or human resources. Often women have a harder time standing up for themselves then men do. It is important that women practice standing up for themselves and not get stuck in the victim mentality. Furthermore, talking to a trained professional like a psychologist will offer some guidance that will not only help to deal with the bully in the moment but also help them to understand why they were more likely to have become a victim.
5. Where can targets find legal help even if HR does not support them if they file a complaint?
I am not an attorney and therefore a person should consult with their attorney on any legal advice.
6. For those who have survived a bully and still wrestle with PTSD from the experience, how can they let go? Some people entertain fantasies of revenge, how would help them through this?
Revenge is never the answer, this will most likely lead to more pain and problems. PTSD is a serious mental disorder and thus needs to be dealt with a trained professional. If the victim is suffering from PTSD symptoms such as flashbacks and nightmares then immediate psychological attention would most likely be beneficial.
7. Are women biologically programmed to engage in gender specific social behavior that naturally creates a bully ready atmosphere?
In general, women tend to be more relationship oriented and therefore make it all the more devastating when another female hurts, criticizes and/or excludes them. Women are also “master ruminators” and generally have a harder time getting over things as compared to men.
8. Do you think that women dominated industries are more prone to bullying than more balanced co-ed environments?
In some women dominated industries there seems to be more bullying between women. That is why it is up to women to change this behavior. If women continue to hurt and oppress one another than this behavior is not going to change.
9. How can mothers protect their children? Sometimes the parents of a bully are also bullies who encourage the behavior.
Mothers play a pivotal role when it comes to both teaching their daughters about bullying prevention as well as role modeling appropriate behaviors to their daughters. I have heard of instances where the mother bullies her daughter and then the daughter bullies other girls as a way of acting out her anger. It is very important that mothers be conscious and conscientious of how they treat their daughters and the messages they are sending to them.
10. Kids have committed suicide from bullying as have adults. What are some immediate measures that can prevent further deaths? Do you advise people to contact specific organizations that can prevent them from slipping into suicide?
The hardest part about this is that it is 100% preventable yet we are seeing it happen more and more. The first and most important issue is for parents to be emotionally attuned to their child. This means that parents should be able to notice if their child is struggling in some way emotionally. Oftentimes teens are embarrassed or ashamed to talk about being bullied and as a result they don’t tell anyone. If a parent is emotionally attuned to a child they have a better chance at being able to read non-verbal cues such as eating issues, sleep problems, behavioral changes, etc. If a child won’t open up to you then having them see their physician as well as a therapist as soon as possible is very important. Sometimes teens find it is much easier to open up to doctor then to their parent. These professional are trained to assess for symptoms of suicide and will develop a treatment plan to help protect your child. Parents should also make talking about bullying just as important as talking about things like safe sex and drug use. If a child feels safe with their parent then they are more likely to talk to them about anything. They can also called the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255 for immediate help. Schools and workplaces can also make a No Tolerance Policy and have a system in place so that if any bullying occurs there are procedures in place to immediately deal with the problem.