Men vs. Boys: Part 2
At 16, Sir Sean Connery was an officer in the Royal Navy. At 16 Justin Bieber was a soft teenage boy whose biggest concern was his hair. When he turned 31, Connery was cast as James Bond and began filming Dr. No. When he turned 31, Matthew Morrison became an international celebrity thanks to the TV show Glee. Morrison biggest concern was also his hair. Connery was never worried about his hair. He was too busy being a man.
What gives? Why are men in Europe so masculine and mature at a younger age? Could it be the lack of puritanical influence in their homeland? Are American men encouraged to remain eternal adolescents forever?
When I wrote the essay Op-Ed for Dialect Magazine titled Men versus Boys I got some positive reaction from the fans of actors chosen to represent men. Other fans sent me private messages arguing in favor of their celebrity crush. Personal taste aside, no one questioned my choice of Gerard Butler or Michael Fassbender as men. Many were shocked that I considered Matthew Morrison and Justin Timberlake boys. Does this indicate that the New World aesthetic clearly seeks a pretty boy?
A few years ago there was an article in Britain’s Daily Mail about the impact of the birth control pill on female mating preferences. According to this story the advent of contraception allowed females to control their reproductive lives. Unfortunately the hormonal impact of the birth control pill altered a woman’s ability to seek out and identify a man who was genetically compatible with her DNA. The pill also altered women’s brains through artificial hormones that they also began to prefer more feminine looking men. Perhaps this explains why North American women seem to want a pretty boy versus the handsome man. However, European women are also on the pill and have been for as long as American females so this can’t be all hormonal. Could Hollywood be simply pushing these overly styled boys on us? Are we encouraged to seek feminized males? Maybe.
My hypothesis is that in this feminist culture of ours, we are actually scared of real man. You know, the kind who are bigger and stronger, exude testosterone, appear predatory, the ones who our evolutionary ancestors chose as winners in natural selection. Our cultural is afraid of strong man. Either we see them as dangerous or the fact that we can’t control them is too much to bear. Feminism has been good but it also left many women barren singles their entire lives. Men who are the protective and predatory alpha XY are too much. It’s much safer to go after the pretty boy who we can have around our finger easily.
What’s scary about a real man? Maybe he will want to open the door for us, earn a good income so we can stay home with our children until they go to school, the one who stakes his claim on us around other men, and be annoyed if we dressed too sexy and act available to other males. Or could it be that when such a man stands up to us, tell us to let it go and stop thinking about things and taking them to his personally all the time, or simply takes control and fixes the car or kitchen sink the second breaks down, it rattles our sense of control? Perhaps we are so frightened to death about a man who will want us to make family a priority. Or does the thought of a man who wants children in due time and won’t tolerate much self-involved pursuits that are anti-family, are rendered terrifying? Does a man who wants a woman to take care of him send chills through our bones? Yes! All that and more.
Women are so obsessed with the idea of being trapped that they end up lonely spinsters trying to fool themselves that everything is okay. Women have decided to be so scared of men they prefer sperm banks to mating in order to have children. Women behave as if happy means living life with a Cosmopolitan magazine’s endorsement. It is not normal for women to have children past a certain age. We are biologically designed to have children in our late teens early 20s. Mother Nature is the best. When we defy her, our lives suffer. Marriage is not for everybody but family and community belong to everyone. Women have helped break down the fibers of family by doing away with men. We consider Cosmopolitan the Bible and cry in agony when it no longer can soothe us when everyone else is paired off and we’re alone.
Men are responsible. Boys are not. Men are protective. Boys need protecting. Men are the ones who want families. Boys are free and love it. Men are swift, direct, and demand order. Boys believe anything goes. Men want to be fathers. Boys freak out at the thought of babies.
Too many women love boys who want mothering. Real women love men who want them to be the mothers of their children. That’s a distinction. Boys dominate because women don’t want to grow up. Face it, 40 is a marker, it means half your life is over. If you are lucky you will get another 40 years but most of us don’t. Most women in days past were already grandmothers by 40. Today, 40-year-olds think they are 20×2.
So, where does this leave me? Where does this leave most women who think like me? Simple. I and they want a man this Valentine’s Day. A real one. The kind of man who gives Gerard Butler a run for his money in the manly department. I want a man who doesn’t care about his hair. Rather, a man who will tell me on no uncertain terms that he wants to have kids right away. In fact, the man who wants to get married and have children as soon as possible is our wish. I want a man who will support me in my pursuits but on the agreement that family comes first. I’m not asking to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. I just want to focus on family and living for others without losing myself. Selfish people end up alone. Your career will never love you back. When you’re 80 you are old. You’re not 20×4. When you are 80 there are no Manolo shoes that come in an orthopedic version. I want babies not Blahniks!
Men have a sense of tradition. The men cited in my first essay are all those who come from cultures who value family, legacy, and heritage. In most Asian, African, European, and Middle Eastern societies, you are obligated to family. Nothing wrong with that. These cultures understand sacrifice and duty. Clan is a foundation of their society. It is not a bad thing. We are nothing without family.
Finally, it’s not a sign of weakness to want a man if you are a heterosexual woman. How else do you think our species survives? Wanting a partner is as normal and natural as needing air. You don’t die physically but you do die emotionally when you fail to enter the life stage of partnership. Everyone needs someone.
After seeing the British documentary Dreams of a Life, I was so shocked into desiring a family of my own. I had been slightly on the fence for the past three months but once I saw the haunting film I knew I wanted to be married with children. If a highly compatible Gerard Butler or Michael Fassbender type showed up today and wanted a traditional marriage, I would be a 100% yes for it. After Dreams of a Life shocked me into tears, I joined Kathryn Alice’s coaching program called “Love Will Find You”. Sure, it sounds like another one of those modern attract a mate programs and maybe it is. Bottom line, next year at this time I want to be married to a Fassbutler of my own and pregnant or a new mother. That’s the truth. Only a man can co-create that reality with me. And yes, I will change my last name to my husband’s even if it doesn’t sound stylish. A wife belongs to her husband and a surname means you are part of his family. And of course I will also use the salutation Mrs. and not Ms. once I am married.